Dear Arashu
by Simple-2-Blink
Summary: Can love really beat all the odds? With a tentative treatment of Thane's Kepral syndrome symptoms, what will happen after they are stranded on a distant planet. After Shpard chooses Synthesis, everyone becomes organic with one DNA but what does this really mean for everyone? Will the crew ever make it home? post ME3, femshep x Thane pairing, AU.
1. I will always remember you

AU, Post ME3. Synthisis ending.

Thane POV

_**Needle pierced deep in my neck. Surging pain felt throughout. Lungs collapse, fail to bring in air. Doctor plunges second needle into chest. I gasp. Not a moment too soon oxygen floods my body.**_

I close my eyes and breathe deep. The procedure was rushed, but could not of come at a better time. Gene therapy, special nanites, it didn't cure keprals syndrome but it did eliminate the symptoms with monthly shots.

Shepard had pulled some strings, I was the first to receive the treatment despite it still being in the testing phase yet. My dr, a brilliant hanar. Without them, I would of died of my wounds at the hands of Kai Leng. Instead because of Shepherd, I received the injections just in time.

_**Determination on her brow. Sun glinting off her armor. Rifle poised to shoot. She hesitates. Looking for me.**_

From that first moment in the tower, I knew our time together would be life altering. She changed my life that day. After all, I may have surprised her, but she shocked me.

Here I am though, stranded on another planet. The reapers beaten, and I was here, with the crew and now I'd lost someone irreplaceable and unforgettable. The citadel had exploded, if not for Joker we might not of survived at all.

Her words rang in my ears, still.

_**"I Love you Thane Krios, don't you forget that" her hand soft across the scales of my arm. Her skin glowing in the moon light. Her hair, like a halo on the sheets. my lips touched hers tenderly.**_

I blinked the memory away again, it was so easy to get lost in that one. It was hard to stay present in a world where she didn't exist.

I was one of the few almost unchanged by Jane's decision to merge synthetic and organic life. EDI has Dna, blood even. Many had adapted to their technology and the technology was no longer working. We were all organic now. A bi-core multistrand DNA as liara called it, she said it means we all have 6 strands of Dna with 2 cores. We were now, both synthetic and organic, we are now all flesh and blood.That's what I got out of it at least.

I might of been minimally unchanged physically but my soul had been forever changed by Jane. I hope to find her again across the sea, waiting for me.

Dr Chakwas walked in, pulling me from my thoughts.

"I'd like to run some tests to see if this change has harmed your genetic nanites to fight off the symptoms of your Keprals."

"I'm at your service, as you wish"

I followed the good doctor to the Normandy's med bay. Tali and Garrus had gotten the emergency water system working and the solar system patched in so everything was working brilliantly. The doctor sat me down at a machine, it whirred to life.

I closed my eyes. Knowing the scan would take a while; I let myself delve into the past, not skim it as I usually did.

_**The stars shimmered through the window setting her blue eyes alight and dancing with laughter. My fingers traced delicately across the soft sensitive flesh of her rib cage. She burst into another fit of laughter. It was like seeing perfection for the first time, there on her face.**__**Id never found quite the solace, that I found everytime I looked into her steely blue pools. I ached for her body, I craved the taste of her lips and I hungrily drank up her joy. None would ever stand up to her. She reached for my face, hands so tender as her thumb traced over my lower lip and she stared into my eyes. My mouth stole hers, our bodies melded together. Touches so tender they brought both great joy and hunger to my heart.**__**This night before we hit Earth, was perfect. We devoured one another's presence by star light. As we lay in one another's arms I can't help but have a moment where I wish Jane was Drell. I felt selfish for wanting it, but I also wished to have a piece of her just as Id always have a piece of Irika in Kolyat.**_

"Thane, Thane... "

My eyes opened to a concerned doctor. I apologised for letting myself get too deep into the memory. My face wet, I touched my face only to find tears. I wiped them away and apoligised again. I changed the subject in haste.

"What did you find"

"It's quite incredible, the genetic Nanites have merged becoming part of your DNA permanently. You are cured..."

I paused to stare at the screen where the results were right infront of me but since i wasn't a doctor it might as well have been written in prothean.

Cured? I'd been resigned to death, without Jane, I actually welcomed it a little without her. But cured? What would I do with that? I suppose if we ever make it off this rock I could go find Kolyat. What would I do though without Jane? There was always that small chance she survived like always. There were no real answers to my internal questions. I nodded and thanked Chakwas. Jane saved my life 3 times. Once when we met, once from the symptoms of Keprals and now a third time all together from the disease itself.

I climbed through the maintenance shaft, headed up to the CIC. We used them instead of the elevator to save electricity. I, as always, silently slid up and got to my feet and just as I turned, I was face to face with Garrus and Tali who had chagrin painted on her face plainly. With her helmet off now, it was easy to see the embarrassment on her face. They had just been in a intimate lip lock. I nodded to them and slipped away. This was the down side of a lifetime of moving around without a sound, something of a habit that was easy as breathing.

Tali took some getting used to seeing her without her mask. I could also tell it was taking time for her to get used to people seeing her emotions which normally would be hidden by the mask. She was not as I had imagined. Her big brown eyes, full lips an almost flat nose. A red and yellow ridge over there crest of her head. Her skin smooth soft scales of light brown and pale yellows. She had adapted to her tech through the synthesis change. The most obvious change was she could breathe the air without getting sick so the helmet she had worn all her life was not even nessisary.

I headed for the airlock and outside where massive trees dwarfed everything around them. The foliage of the under brush were equally as large. Our fence surrounding camp looked like a tiny stick pile compared to the trees. We had settled in pretty easily, luckily the ship was packed with state of the art gear for situations a lot like this. Most of the parts we had to make by hand, which was proving hard. Considering mining was not possible so we had to settle for what we could find topside mostly.

The planet was, as far as we could tell, uninhabited. Time would tell. Once the old mako was fixed we would certainly be seeing more of this place. It certainly would make finding deposits of things we need to fix the Normandy, easier. Joker got a message just as we landed, but it was mostly static and he is still trying to clean it up and fix the comms, but no luck yet.

I headed down the ramp then began the climb of a nearby tree. My favorite tree so far. I'd found the perfect spot to sit with a birds eye view of everything to watch for any hostile creatures.

I slung my rifle from my back and slid it against my shoulder. It was like greeting an old friend. I looked through the scope watching the coming and going of camp. Tali and Steve were working on the Mako. EDI was target practicing with the heavy pistol I gave her from Jane's locker. Liara was studying the local plants and animals to see what was edible and what could be used as medicine.

What would become of us? Were we destined to live out our life here? A loud thunderous noise echoed through our little valley. I scanned smoothly to the open docking bay and seen a very happy Cortez. Looks like the Mako is running.

I smiled, finally we can see a little more of this rock. I scanned the perimeter looking for anything dangerous. Finding nothing I relaxed and leaned back against the tree I was carefully perched on.

I wonder what Kolyat is doing? Is he back home helping the Hanar rebuild?

_**"Did you ever love my mother?" Kolyat asked out of frustration after I told him that Shepard and I were together.**__**"Yes I loved your mom very much, she will always hold a special spot in my heart. "But Shepard, there is something about her, something stronger that pulls me to her, that makes me just"...**__**"Follow her, to the end of all" Kolyat said finishing my scentance.**__**"Yes exactly" I nodded looking to the door. Every second away from her was painful. Kolyat was quiet for a moment trying to process this, to at least understand. Just then Shepard walked in and something must have washed across my face because Kolyat stared at me starting at her, staring at me. He softly gasped and whispered "Tu'fira"**_

I blinked the memory away as my Omni tool chirpped at me. I opened the message from Joker.

"Assemble at the hangar bay, they are getting ready to send a scavenging party out. You and Garrus are needed to watch their 6"

I proceeded to climb from the tree all that way to the ground. I slipped through camp and headed for the hangar. I nodded at Garrus. Tali turned and almost walked into me. She gasped then laughed nervously from the surprise.

"I was just going to come get you" she said with a smile

"Well here I am." I smiled back.

" Seriously we need to put a bell around your neck" she comments and a few crew members laughed. I cracked a smile and nodded. Jane had said this herself a time or two when I would materialize behind her, on purpose, to surprise her.

Garrus, Cortez, Tali, and Liara all climbed in the Mako. Jack bioticly moved a section of our barricade to let us out. It wasn't far to the ocean we had discovered a few days ago. The beach would make for faster travel. If there was a city it would be along the water.

I stared at the seat, no one dared to sit in. It was Jane's seat after all. If I relaxed enough, I would certainly be able to see her there, holding on to a bar above her as we jostled around on our way to, who knows where. Garrus was standing. because, we all missed her and none of us were ready to let her go, yet. This team was still trying to hold on, just like I was.


	2. From the ashes

**Jane Shepard POV**

Standing there staring at the beams, a thousand thoughts running through my mind with one major theme, I'm not ready to be done. I've only just gotten Thane back from the brink of death. I've only started to live. The words of Mordin rang through like a clear bell...It had to be me, someone else might of got it wrong. So, it had to be me.

I'm Commander Shepherd. This was where my story would end so that millions of stories could continue. So that Thane's story could go on. So that every story that belonged to my team, my friends, my family all would continue. No matter how I wished this could be different it had to be like this.

Pain seared through me, I could feel myself slowly fading, even as the numerous cybernetics fought valiantly to repair the massive damage. Blood, warm and thick dripped down my arm as I held the wound on my side. I stared at the beams, trying to decide... But, all at once it became clear. No one should ever go through this again so destroying technology was out. Besides that would mean certainly death of those close to me... Thane, Tali, EDI... Not just them though. The geth, the quarians, the volus, and every person living only because technology kept them alive, would end. So that wasn't a viable solution and not a permanent one. No one should ever control the reapers, not even me. So that was out too.

That left only one thing left... Synthesis. It would save everyone, and cost only one life, mine. I walked to the beam, pain searing with every step. I closed my eyes and I could almost feel his skin against my hand.

_**My heart pounded in my chest, my hand on his cheek. My forehead against his. The scent of his skin filled my lungs and seemed to swirl around me and fill me up, he gave me strength. He pulled back a little, his dark eyes meeting mine. My hands slid down his neck, his smooth, lithe muscles under my hands, as they moved to his arms. A soft smile crossed my lips as I looked at him, my destiny was there in his eyes in that moment.**__**"I Love you Thane Krios, don't you forget that" I ran my hands across his skin down his arms and pulled him close and pressed my lips to his, my head swimming, my heart aching in both joy and sadness.**_

I opened my eyes, standing at the beam, the edge at my feet. There was no way to know at that time, that would be one of the last times I'd see him. But if that was one of the last, Im glad it was a good memory for us to share. In that moment fear courses through me, my heart hammering away. What would happen now, what came next?

I turned to look at the catalyst. I opened my mouth but he cut me off. His distaste for organics showing in his harsh words.

"If you want this war to end, there is no way to guarantee you survive, it's the cost of what you want, no amount of begging will stop this"

His disgust clear as he spoke. I looked away for a moment shaking my head. For a moment he was confused.

"No, I hold very little regard for my life. It is those I care for that I was hoping to beg for. Thane, my crew... Their loved ones... Please, if you can, save them, spare them please. Take care of them if you can."

His face went blank... Trying to understand. But love was complex and hard for those who never felt it to understand. Love is why Legion was special, his love for me and the crew is why he gave his life. Nothing motivates like love. It's why I willingly give my life now, for love.

The catalyst, was silent and nodded staring out at the war torn Earth. For a split second it seemed like it finally understood, what I was doing, what had really happened and what he had done.

I closed my eyes and leaned backwards over the edge into the beam. Only memories of Thane to keep me company in my last moments, love was my greatest accomplishment.

Soon the background melted away. The bombs in the background, gone. The nervous energy, gone. Everyone but him, gone. He was my greatest regret, leaving him behind. I held him tight against me. It was our good bye before the push to the beam. He told me to come back in one piece, it was the only promise I knew somehow, I couldn't keep. I had only this memory left to keep with me so I wouldn't be alone in this time, as everything came to a close. I took one more look into his eyes, the love there was enough to last me wherever I was going next as even he faded away.

My eyes opened, a blurry green, above me. Confused I lifted my hands, pain flooded through me. I was alive, but how? I touched my side, the hole gone, healed. Things slowly came to focus. I slowly sat up, achey pain shooting through me. I looked down at the dead grass under me, how long had I been laying here? I scanned around me and seen a massive green covered mass relay glowing under all the green. It must of crashed into the planet at some point. But how did I get here?

A little green blinking light caught my eye on my Omni tool. I opened the message.

A holo of the catalyst appeared. "My calculations say a massive energy burst from your biotics would give you a 15 percent chance of survival. On the chance it worked, I programmed the citadel to push you through the prothean made gate here on the citadel to the prothean relay that we pushed into their planet, long ago." Shame washed over his face for a moment. "Hopefully it's not in an ocean. If anyone could care for your people it's you, not me. So I hope you get this, and good luck"

The prothean home world... I looked around seeing things a little more differently. I felt like an ant in a rainforest. I was alone and on a planet uninhabited and far away from those that mattered most. I sighed, and gathered myself together. I'd just beaten the odds, won the second chance lottery.

I climbed weakly to my feet, stiff from head to toe. I had to make it, I had to get off this planet and find Thane so I can tell him, I love him. I'd do anything to see him again. So I began walking. My footfalls were slow, by I was determined to keep moving forward.

The sun set after a few hours and the starlight filtered through the thick canopy. I'd turn on my omni light but I didn't want to make myself a target. I knew nothing about this place or it's predators. I stumbled over things I couldn't see. I tumbled down a steep decline. I landed at the bottom with a grunt as I layed splayed on my back. Instead of the canopy, I seen only stars glittering above me. I slowly sat up and peered over the grass, a beautiful meadow. I smiled to myself, it was stunning. What was better was the sound I heard...the soft trickling of water. I scrambled toward it and fell into the crystal clear water and laughed. The cold water felt amazing on my sore, achey body. I grabbed for my lower leg pocket that was thankfully intact. I pulled out my self filtering canteen. I filled it over and over, each time guzzling down the water. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I had found the water.

Finding water was something good, because whatever was left of the prothean cities would be near water. So now I had a direction to go too. I climbed out of the river as my teeth began to chatter. I stripped down pulling the rest of my small survival kit from my lower leg pocket. I pulled out a small pocket laser. I dug into the sand and put sticks and grasses into the hole then aimed the laser into the piles center. It was great for cutting things my omni blade couldn't cut, but also made a stellar fire starter. The flames crackled as I blew on the smoking pile. I smiled sitting close, letting the fire warm me and slowly dry my clothes. My stomach churned as it threatened to repel the contents from it. I choked back the urge to puke an laid back in the grass hoping that would settle my stomach. It did.

Staring at the stars I wondered where Thane was right now? Why here? Was this the only mass relay on a planet where I could survive? I suppose only time would tell.

I missed Thane but knowing he was probably out there, somewhere, made me happy. I would find him one day. After I find a working shuttle and get off this planet, find the nearest comm buoy and contact home. There are a lot of steps in that plan but, it's better than no plan.

I drifted off to sleep and dreamed of him. I could feel him in my dreams, it felt so real. When my eyes fluttered open to the bright sunlight overhead, I frowned wishing my dreams were reality. I got to my feet. I checked my clothes, they were dry enough. I slipped my clothes on and buckled up the few pads that still had straps. I'd pulled off all the bits of melted metal, what was left of my armor last night. Id miss that set, customized for me in royal blue that had a deep purple camo gleam to it. It took a full on reaper laser and I was still walking. That's the true test of armor right there.

I filled my canteen once more and started walking. For a couple weeks all I did was walk, study the plants with my Omni tool to see which ones were safe enough to consume, for the most part I stopped only to sleep and hunt. I followed miles upon miles of river, most days my stomach were fine but I was sure that it only got upset because of the new foods.

I could feel the pain slowly die away with each day I kept moving. I almost felt back to normal. Soon cramping took over for the nausea. The good news was I was gaining weight so despite the drawbacks of the food, I was digesting it and flourishing health wise.

At dusk of the 26th day, I seen it the outline of a broken city just one more days walk. The next day was exciting, knowing I'd be the first to set foot in the city in over 50,000 years. It was amazing anything was still standing.

That first feel of pavement beneath my boots set a thrill through my blood. I jogged down the street, in awe of how intact everything was. Looking at how little foliage was growing through made me suspect the crash off the mass effect gate into the planet must of knocked it off its rotation and by the look of how wet even the streets were still that it was likely frozen for a good portion of that 50 thousand years. Otherwise things would be a lot worse for wear.

I spotted a building that looked almost completely intact except for a tree buckling part of a wall and a broken window. I headed for the front door, locked. Then I remembered the tree! I jogged around the building and climbed over the buckled wall, careful of the thick black plate glass. I picked up a piece and noticed it wasn't black, it was solar panels. I got very excited at this point. From what I could understand of the symbols outside... This should be an apartment building. If it had power that meant, hot water!

Inside everything was very cut and dry. Then again from what Liara had told me, from her exploration of the broken ruins she'd been through they were a no frills group with no real comforts. I tried opening the apartment door but there were no buttons. I managed to hack the access panel though. I wandered down the halls until I seen one door that stood out compared to the rest. It had a mural painted on it. I touched the painting and the door slid right open. Inside there were lifelike murals on the walls, this must of been what it looked like... Before.

I stared at each one before looking in a room with a table and 2 chairs. Two bodies were in the chairs, holding hands. My heart was heavy at the sight. They must have gone out before the end, on their own terms. The same thing had happened on Earth. I sighed and went to what looked like a dispenser of some kind. I touched it and a selection panel popped up with pictures of food dishes in it.

I selected one that looked good and hoped that, like the rest of their tech, held the test of time. After 15 minutes a piping hot dish of... I'm not sure what, was produced in the tray. I was just happy for anything besides the furry birds Id been catching and eating.

It tastes like beef from Earth but sweet and spicy. I sighed, my stomach content with a full meal. I peeked around a bit more and found a shower and sure enough... Hot water. I took the longest shower ever. Lastly I looked for a bed, I found a panel in an empty room and sure enough, a bed folded out from the wall. I flopped onto it and smiled glad to have a spot to relax.

I dozed off thinking about, Thane and how happy we would be to see one another again. For the first time in weeks, I could relax.


	3. Biding My Time

Thane's POV

We didn't find anything that first day. The next day we all crawled into the Mako for a second day of fun filled adventure. Again I sat, staring at Jane's empty seat. Why did someone I loved more than my own life have to go? Why would someone so special, that she lit up and blessed every life she touched, have to leave so soon? Maybe she was too special to stay?

I was almost launched from my seat when Cortez slammed on the brakes. We all complained about the whip lash. Except Liara, she silently climbed from the cab. She stood there in the sand, staring at the skyline. My gaze followed her's curiously. My eyes landed on a bunch of skyscrapers beyond the trees. I reached in and grabbed my modified scope. I snapped it into my rifle as Garrus did the same.

"Well let's just hope they are friendly" I said quietly

Garrus and I took up the front as we headed through the small patch of woods towards the city. Once in the city Liara was very quiet. Something familiar about some of the building designs. Yet it felt like this city was empty, when we seen the first body it took us all time to process. A city with protheans in it, real prothean remains, prothean tech. Liara took some tissue samples.

"guys I think we are on the prothean home world"

None of us knew quite what to say. It was amazing how well preserved everything was. We slowly made our way through a small part of the city.

We gathered some tech and took it back to the Normandy. Tali was able to use a piece of the tech to help Joker clean up the message we got from Earth.

"Earth is safe, mass relays are down, the Citadel had no survivors, we have lost Anderson and Shepard. Stay strong Normandy, hopefully this message finds you all safe, fifth fleet out"

I hid my sadness when Joker played the message. It was easy to see it on most of the team though, the heart break of hearing it confirmed, no survivors. The little piece of hope I had been holding on to was gone now. I felt what was left of my ambition drain away. I slipped away to the life support room and set my cot up. I stared at the ceiling trying to find motive to keep moving. None came.

The days and weeks that followed included me only venturing out when my gun was needed. I always brought back plenty of meat for the crew. I avoided Liara and Tali who always came back chattering about the tech and things they found in the city that day. Tali was invaluable, her ability to adapt the prothean tech into the Normandy was the only reason we would likely get off this rock.

Now 3 months after our crash landing here repairs were over half done. I handled all the hunting still. I was comfortably numb as I avoided my memories, my emotions, they were too painful. I could feel myself getting more disconnected each day. Maybe seeing Kolyat again would help me put myself back together.

After Irika I had someone to blame. This time I had no one to blame, no body to set to the sea and somehow the pain of losing her was worse. Though our time together was shorter our connection was like nothing I'd experienced before.

Yet every night I seen her in my dreams. I could hear her calling out for me. I could feel her hand in mine as she pulled me from my pit of grief and every night I'd wake before we could say a word. It was frustrating to see her, painful even. What did these dreams mean?

I woke up at dawn and rolled out of my cot, packing it away. I headed out the airlock with my rifle at the ready. It's crazy the number of strange birds I'd found in camp. They looked like little cotton balls with their white fur and tastes like a meal Jane had given me from Earth called Chicken.

Today it was just a few pyjak looking critters. I shoo'd them away and headed out of camp. I had the weird feeling I was being watched as I traveled my path, the same one I walked each day, looking for game. I then took another path taking me away from camp where some of the bigger animals wandered through a near by meadow about 3 clicks north of camp. I kept watch behind me as I could feel someone, or some thing's eyes on me. It was beginning to make my skin crawl. I climbed up a tree nearest to the water source with a clean sight line.

I felt a little better in the tree. I watched through my scope. I was watching for the appropriate animal to wander in. I tried to only take males as they seemed more prevalant. No need to hunt anything to extinction. I spotted the perfect male, a massive beast with spines along it's back and a single sharp horn on its nose, the females didn't have a horn. The animal had to be at least a ton. I waited for the animal to turn from the water.

My scope went black. I looked up to see a massive predator with a paw full of claws. I used the rifle to block the attack but it was quickly swatted from my hands by the feline, then the creature disappeared.

I pulled my assault rifle out and flicked the heat sensor on. In that moment it went red and the i could feel the claws sink into my shoulder. I pulled the trigger. I emptied the clip into the invisible beast. I felt it's weight fall free and it fell to the ground with a hard thump. I checked my shoulder, it was deep and bleeding pretty bad.

I applied some medigel and carefully made the climb down, favoring my shoulder. I used my biotics to carry the beast back. It would certainly work for dinner since all the other animals had been chased off by the sound of the tussle.

Liara came running when she seen I was bleeding. She took the clawed beast from me and set it on a table. She helped me to the medbay for Chakwas to take a look at me.

I lucked out with only stitches but the worst part was Chakwas put me on bed rest.


	4. What's in a name

**Shepard's POV**

I could feel the tiredness leaving my bones with each full night's rest I got. My dreams had been very realistic lately. It was like I could touch him for real, in my dreams but the moment we did, I would wake up.

I could pull up with perfect recollection Thane and our time together. It was hard not to just spend a day reliving our time together. It helped me though, helped me push myself. Each dawn of the first sun I would search the city, looking in every crevice I could find to try and find a way off this rock.

I found a lot of dust, skeletons, but not much else. After weeks it got harder to stay objective. I did find a storage unit with some clothes in it that just fit. Eating regular had me putting on a little weight. I wandered around, trying to go a little farther out each week. After 3 months though my optimism had faded. I laid in bed thinking of Thane most nights. He was the only hope I had left in the darkness that seemed to be closing in.

I survived Saren, the reapers and the citadel to die on a distant uninhabited planet. I sighed when I heard Thanes words in my ears.

"I love you Siha"

I couldn't just stay here and wait to die.

"I love you too Thane. I promise, I won't give up"

I said to him as if he was there, as i got out of bed and left to go look some more. That's when I had a sudden flash of brilliance. What if they didn't want their ships found? Maybe I should stop searching the big buildings and look for a home of an officer and pull his logs.

I looked for the apartment building to the nearest to a militarised building. It took a few days but I finally found a high ranking generals apartment. But the sheer amount of logs he had were... Well this would take awhile. Every day though Id come and listen to the logs until I couldn't keep my eyes open.

After the first three days of journals it was pretty apparent that protheans were assholes. I took a break for a little while and walked across town to the beach.

I took off my worn boots. The warm mid day sand felt awesome on my feet. I walked to the water and sighed as the cool water washed over my feet. I closed my eyes and let the breeze roll over me. I could feel the stress melt away.

"Good afternoon Siha"

I gasped and turned around looking for him. The words sounded like they were spoken right into my ear. I smiled at his voice. The fact that I was hearing voices, was disconcerting. But if I'm going crazy, but there are worse ways to go than hearing the voice of the person you love. At least it was his voice and no one else's.

I turned back to the ocean and relaxed looking to hear his voice again.

"I miss you Thane" I said to the voice as tears slipped from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

"Do not fear, I will wait for you Siha"

I sighed and smiled sadly. I missed him so much. It hurt so badly to be without him. I knew the nanites wouldn't last forever so I had to find him if it was the end of me so be it. I went back to the Journals with renewed vigor. There had to be something. I grabbed a stack of them and went home to my little pad. I curled up in bed and started listening to the logs.

I put the last one down from the stack I grabbed. Nothing yet. I made the trek back towards the generals apartment. I grabbed another stack and was about to head out but there was a big black predator, eyes locked on me. It was big as a varren about was built like a panther. It had two rows of teeth and 4 paws full of claws.

I dropped the datapads and backed away. Suddenly it vannished. I flipped out my omni blade and put my back to a wall. I waited. Suddenly it's weight hit me and I braced. It was powerful but my omni blade seared into its chest. It slid away a clawed paw cutting into my leg. It was no flesh wound. I tried to watch for the cat. He flickered into being licking its wounded chest. I crouched and it growled at me as I moved toward it. It then pounced and I lept at it and plunged my blade into its chest. It let out a dark piercing sound. It's claws lashed around both my arms as a last ditch effort, but soon went limp. I shoved the creature off and to the ground. My lungs screamed for air and my heart threatened to break from my ribcage, it was pounding so hard.

I say down for a moment to take account of myself. The wounds on my shoulders were deep but nothing that wouldn't heal on their own. One cut on my hip though, would need to be stitched. I applied some omnigel to my wounds and grabs my data pads. I glanced at the animal for a moment before making my way slowly back to the apartment.

Once back I pulled out my first aid kit I'd put together, just in case. I bit down on a dowel of wood. I careful cleaned the wound, then was the hardest part... I started to stitch it closed. I bit down hard on the dowel, I felt like I was going to break my jaw. My vision faded after the 5th stitch. I panted with the pain of it and started again. I screamed as tears ran down my face, my jaw ached from the force. I continued until the wound was crudely, closed. I leaned back in the chair and everything faded away.

I awoke a few hours later, my neck sore, but it was the chills that had awoke me. I shivered violently as sweat poured from my pores. I crawled to the bed, I checked my leg, the sutures still intact and though red, were not infected. I was apparently have an adverse reaction to something to do with the injury. perhaps a venom of sorts? I couldn't think clearly as the fever ravaged my body. I curled up trying to feel warm as I shivered.

I closed my eyes trying to focus on anything but the chills that rolled through my body. Nothing worked as I finally opened my eyes.

There he was. I looked around unbelieving for a moment.

"Siha" he whispered as I laid there shivering. Great, now I was hallucinating. Seeing him there made my heart ache.

"Thane", I whispered back wishing he really was there... he reached for me and I moved away. I'd had the dream enough to know if we touched, he would disappear. His face saddened as I shivered again.

"You are sick", he said trying to reach for me again. I sank away once more, glad to have something, someone to focus on that wasn't this awful fever.

"Yes but it is only temporary, it's the cost for being alive", I mused.

"Alive." He said, his voice trailing off. It was strange but it was like the word was less a statement and more of a question.

"Yes" I said a little unsure why my figment of my imagination was questioning me being alive... His eyes looked up, something, there I couldn't quite pin point. He reached for me unexpectedly and he was gone again the moment his hand touched me.

I sighed and shivered again. I closed my eyes focusing in on Thane, trying to think of him again. Trying to think of the moments we had together, to somehow take my mind off of the fever.

_My laughter filled the air as I ran down the beach, Thane in hot persuit. I ditch and dodged through the sand. The ocean waves crashed in as we chased one another. I ditched, but this time he jumped and we both tumbled to the ground laughing. It was nice to get shoreleave somewhere nice for once.__The shores were void of people, it was just us today. Thane smiled down at me. My hand reached up to touch his face, he gently leaned into my hand, his eyes closed. So I leaned up to place a kiss on his lips. One of his sand covered hands touched my face as he kissed me back. If bliss were a place it would be right here._Another violent shiver pulled me from the memory and I sighed, it was going to be a long night.


	5. What is lost

Thane's POV

I slipped down the shaft unseen and silently made my way outside. Bed rest, was a joke, I couldn't just lay there. It was the dead of the night. I slipped into the darkest of shadows. After a week and a half, I couldn't just lay there one more moment. I favored my shoulder which had just begun to heal. My dreams were starting to drive me crazy, I couldn't take one more dream of Jane.

My shoulder was having a hard time healing due to a poison the creature had in it's claws. If it wasn't for the medicine and my adapted nanites Id be bed ridden and probably feverish. So healing was slow. the outer injury was almost health but the damage done to the muscle was still just begging to heal. I looked up at the night sky glad to be outside. I wished I could be more useful. I sighed.

Starlight filtered through the window. Golden skin glowing, eyes alight with laughter. Silken skin against mine. Jane. sweet spice filled my lungs as the scent of her skin enveloped me. Hands gentle on my skin. My hands holding her close. Her chuckle tinkled in the air. My hand caressing her ribs. She's ticklish. My lips capture hers, drawn by her delight. Her hand on my cheek, such warmth I've never known

I blinked the memory away, saddened by it. She was gone and I couldn't let her go. Even now I ached to be closer to her. Since the crash, she felt like she was here. I couldn't quash the feeling despite the fact she didn't survive the citadel. I wish there was a way to forget, drell memories were a curse like that. Kolyat, had been right when he called it tu'fira... I couldn't forget her if I tried.

The air outside was chilled and my breath hung in the air as I tried to think of anything, anyone else. There just was nothing and no one else. My heart ached and my chest seized like it had during a keprals attack but this time it was just heart break and there was no one to blame this time.

The sun had just began to crest the horizon when Liara came down the ramp.

"Cmon Thane I know you are out here.", I sighed and materialized beside her. She jumped and gave me a look of disapproval.

"You are supposed to be resting", she said as we headed back in

"I understand, I just grow restless", I said quietly. I didn't tell her I couldn't stand being on the ship one extra second because everything reminded me of her. Sometimes I could almost see the standing in my door way.

I didn't say anything more as I headed back to life support. Back to my cot. Back to sleep.

I laid there for a long time staring at the ceiling trying to avoid sleep but it came anyway.

I stared out across the rainforest of this former home world of the Protheans, as if I was perched on the massive treetops the sun filtered over as the sun rose, spreading it's brilliance across the foliage. That's when I noticed something amungst the light. As the sun rose a little more and my eyes adjusted to the brightness, it was not something, it was someone.

"Arashu" I whispered

She stepped back, a single finger becconing me to follow. I tried but I hit the ground before I got far. I looked up, still able to see her from below, on the forest floor.

I ran, I covered the ground like I had been born in these woods. My lungs kept up with the effort. I didn't get any closer to her but she did seem to get father away. I ran harder, using trees, rocks and other things on the forest floor to fling myself through the terrain faster.

When my feet hit cement, I was a little confused, where was she leading me... I could just barely see her now. I seen only her back as she slipped around a corner. Most of the city looked familiar, Id been there to help the others salvage tech. My feet hit the pavement faster now as I tried to catch up. I had to see where we were headed. The city looked less and less familiar the deeper I went. My lungs were on fire and my legs quivered but I asked for more and they gave it.

Soon she ducked into a building and then into a room. I entered, now hoping to get a chance to speak to her. To ask why she had let me fall through the cracks, why was this the life I was to lead.

I turned the corner and there she was...Jane. My heart ached, it was another dream about her. I sighed watching her sleep, wishing this was more than a dream. She started to glow and just like that it was over. I sat up feeling unnerved and upset. I couldn't lay here anymore.

It was mid day and I went right to Chakwas.

"Chakwas, I'm loosing it I can't just lay around any more", I said unable to hide the desperation in my voice.

Karen nodded and had me sit on the table.

"Let me have a look", she said as the pulled off the bandaging. She smiled.

"The sutures are ready to come out. If you promise no lifting, no climbing or any use of your shoulder until I can get a muscle regenerator on it in a few days, then, that would be fine", she said and like a kid eager to get out for recess I hopped down nodded and headed out.

I headed down to the shuttle bay, if I was lucky I could make it down there before the team left for the city. I had to get out of here.

I slid out of the elevator just as they were loading up. I grabbed my armor real quick

"I'm coming, Chakwas have me the all clear", I said hopping into the mako. I put my armor on as Steve drove. It wasn't easy but it was do able

"You doing ok?", Garrus asked

"Yes, I'm healing well, I'm just not allowed to climb or lift anything heavy. I had to get out of the ship", I said to him and he nodded all too knowing how that went.

The trip to the city was a quiet one mostly. Steve drove a little further into the city than we had been before.

I hopped out in silence as I looked around I had an unsettling feeling in my gut.

I looked over at Garrus, Tali and Liara who were all trying to decide on the next building to go through. The sound seemed to get sucked from around me when I seen it. The building from my dream.

The air seemed to turn to concrete in my lungs. I stared at it for a long time before just pulling my rifle out and heading for it. I didn't hear them calling my name as I picked up a jog. I had to find out what was in it, why would I dream of a place I have never been?

I half walked, half ran through the front door and up a flight of stairs. That's when I spotted it. Just like in my dream. The vibrant painting of the sunset that stood out amungst the dozens of white doors.

I touched it and it slid open. A hand on my good shoulder stopped me. I blinked a few times. It was Garrus.

"What are you doing?", He said concerned.

"I thought I seen someone", I lied. He gave me a look like he knew I was lying but humored me and we went in guns drawn. It was empty mostly except for piles and piles of data pads. The paintings on the walls were like nothing Id ever seen, this must of been what the city looked like before the reapers.

Just then I heard Garrus drop his gun.

"By the spirits", he said in disbelief.

I turned the corner.

There she was. Shivering. Injured.

"Siha" I whispered as she laid there shivering. I felt a great warmth rise in me as I looked at her but turned sour in my stomach when i seen her injuries.

"Thane", She whispered back. I reached for her but she moved away. I grew sad, not sure why she would move away from me as she shivered again.

"You are sick", I said trying to reach for her again. She sank away once more, her eyes unfocused and drooping.

"Yes but it is only temporary, it's the cost for being alive", She mused.

"Alive." I said questioning, my voice trailing off. She was barely alive.

"Yes", she mumbled as I scooped her up this time and she passed out against my chest. It looked like she had been mauled by the same cat thing I had. If that was the case we had to get her to Chakwas immediately.

Garrus looked around at all the data pads, it looked like she was looking for something. I carried her to the Mako. I refused to let anyone else carry her. Despite the searing pain in my shoulder, I carried her anyways. She shivered, burning up, curled against my chest.

She was alive. She was alive and in my arms. We had to get her to the doctor before things got worse. Steve was driving faster than I've ever seen before.


End file.
